The saga of my job....

As some of you know, I have kind of been looking for a job here in the Owensville area. I put my resume in at several area hospitals and clinics and never got a response. Was thinking it may be that they don't want or need part timer's, or they look at my resume and see the 10+ years I was out of nursing, or just don't want to take a chance on someone my age at all!! But I did get a response to a blind ad here in the local Gasconade county paper for an RN for a 40 bed skilled nursing facility. I went and interviewed at Gerald Nursing and Rehab....a small skilled nursing facility in a town about 15 minutes from here. I liked the director of nursing (DON) and the administrator very much but was unsure about working in that setting....have never worked in a nursing home and have not done inpatient nursing for 25 years or so. My most recent job which I LOVED was in a busy multi MD office and before that in home heath....mostly intake and marketing in recent years. No direct patient care for about 25 years!! They were interested in me and assured me that no high tech care was given there as they are about 45 minutes from the nearest hospital, so rarely if ever took patients needing IV's or tube feedings or high tech wound care etc. I have not done anything high tech much EVER and am not interested in learning stuff like that at this stage in my life.

After I interviewed I still had second thoughts about the job so asked if I could follow a nurse around for half a day or so to see what it was like working there. I really liked the way they all treated the patients and the care that was given seemed very good. The pay was great for me and it was close, so I gave it a try! I was going to work 2-3 days per week. I only had two days of orientation...which really was not enough. But the DON said I could call her if I had any questions or problems. I opted to work evenings...that is where they really needed the help and I liked the hours of 2:30 to 11 better then 6:30AM to 3. Sleeping well is an issue for me!!!

So in the days of orientation, I leaned about where things were, how to chart and what needed to be charted on and watched the evening nurse and the day med tech pass meds. I never realized how hard it would be for me to pass meds (which is mainly what you do on evenings) or how slow I would be at it! My first evening alone I really felt just dropped in there....though the Director of Nursing did stay until about 7 and when she saw I was drowning offered to help me....but mainly she was doing her own thing. I started passing the 4-5 o'clock meds at about 3:15 and never got done until 7. Then I had to start on the 8's which took me until 10. I was on my feet that whole time. Finally sat down at 10 to do some quick hurried perfunctory charting. I have sciatica and it was really aggravated by being on my feet for almost 8 hours and for bending over the med cart and over patients in bed and in wheelchairs trying to get meds into them! And I was soooo slow..... I thought....what if something else happened that night...like a patient having an emergency, or a doc coming and me needing to round with him and then taking off orders, or a death, or even a fall...which requires extra charting and maybe getting an order for an xray....what would I have done? How could I possibly handle that? I know that in time I would have been faster with the meds but the key there was "in time"....and during that time I would have been frustrated and worried every night! The meds are all on cards that need to be popped out, the narcs are all locked up...well everything is locked up and I carried around about 30 keys, so everything I did I had to find the right key to get into where I needed to be. And 90% of the pills have to then be crushed, put in to applesauce and then given to uncooperative patients who do everything from spitting them back at you, to making you pry open their mouths, to biting the plastic spoons with the crushed meds and applesauce, to using their one good hand which is amazingly strong to fight you. Even the eye gtts...they screw their eyes closed so hard you cannot get the gtts in. It was sooo hard! I hate to admit when I cannot do something....I hate to quit, so at first I thought I would work the 4 day weekend they had me scheduled for and then decide what to do...but as the day went on and I thought about it more....and worried about my back.....I just thought...I just cannot do this. Mike and my friends who I communicated with that next day were especially supportive and ultimately I did call the DON and quit. I was crying and she was really, really nice. Offered me another day of orientation and said she thought I had been doing a good job and the evenings were the hardest shift but that it was my decision to do what what best for me...but that she was thankful that I gave them as much notice as I did. The people who work there really are very nice and everyone did try to help me...but it just has been too many years since I have worked inpatient and I am just not up to going through the learning period for a job I am not sure I would ever really like!

That was the key really.....I am lucky enough that I don't absolutely HAVE to work right now so I really only want a job that I love at least some of the time!! I admire so much the people who can work there....but I don't think I have the guts or the skills to do it!! My old workplace, VNA of Greater St. Louis is going to hire me to do flu clinics for them in the coming months and then I may do hospice visits occasionally for them too. I will have to travel more....but the pay is more then at the nursing home and can totally just work when I want to. So that is what I think I may do next.

I never have quit a job after just a couple of days on it...but since I have, have heard that many people I know have done that. I know I did the right thing....but still feel like a bit of a failure!! Just wanted those of you who don't know this already to know...since people have been emailing me with good wishes about my new job!!